English rider Caroline March’s life changed two years ago when a fall during a race caused her to lose the use of her legs. Last Sunday you explained in a long letter why you took your own life with assisted suicide: “My utmost respect for anyone who has not only built a life after an injury, but you have also prospered. I take my hat off to you, you are truly an inspiration, but that’s not me.”
Caroline March she was a four-star competitive rider before a spinal cord injury changed her life, leaving her confined to a wheelchair. A condition that led the woman to the decision to took his own life at the age of 31 by resorting to assisted suicide last Saturdaya choice for which he explained the reasons in a letter with a very strong emotional impact, the content of which can be summarized in this sentence: “It’s not the existence I want“.
Caroline March competing on horseback before the accident
The English rider lost consciousness after a serious fall during a race in Norfolk in April 2022, in which she fractured two vertebrae. In the following days, March posted on Instagram his condition of paraplegia, which he hoped was temporary: “I still have no feeling in my legs, but I can now feel and use my abs and have noticed some random twitching in my legs, which I’m told is really encouraging“. An initial optimism that also shone through in another post from a few weeks later, in which Caroline showed herself in a wheelchair while shooting baskets: “I’m making great progress, physiotherapy is going well“.
Caroline after the accident, always in contact with her beloved horses
Four months later the tone of his messages had already become darker, together with the awareness that his paralytic condition would most likely be irreversible: “I’m not going to lie, I’m struggling, I’m really struggling. I’m devastated, this isn’t me. Riding a horse to cheer me up, doing exercises to clear my head, going for walks with my dogs: all this has been completely taken away from me. This isn’t a cry for help, well I don’t think it is. I’m just putting my cards on the table. It’s exhausting to be strong, put on a brave face and say I’m OK. I’m not, I’m anything but OK. I’m really in pieces, physically, mentally and emotionally“.
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Last year the horsewoman then wrote: “How has it been a year since the worst day of my life? I wish I could say it’s getting easier, but it’s not“.
In fact, it was becoming damn difficult for Caroline, who in a long letter shared last Sunday on her Facebook page – which announced her death, just over a month after her birthday – told of her battle to recover, but how there was no has managed to move forward, while dedicating himself to activities such as supervising the breeding of young horses and also photography.
Caroline underwent grueling physiotherapy sessions and flew to the US for an experimental treatment, but said her injury prevented her from doing “anything“that he once loved to do: “Everything that has defined me is not physically possible to do in the way I like“. March also spoke about her desire to become a mother that was no longer achievable: “All I ever wanted was a family and I would give it all up in an instant to have one“.
He added that he had never understood society’s obsession with longevity and the need to live as long as possible, at the expense of other things: “Alan Watts, a well-known philosopher, said ‘I would rather have a short life filled with what I love to do, than a long life spent miserably.’ Assisted suicide has always been something I have believed in and I have always said that if something happened to me and I was forced into the difficult situation of not being able to have the quality of life I wanted, that would be the path I would follow.“.
Caroline has spent her entire life riding horses
“I’m not going to lie, I never imagined this would happen, but here we are – continued Caroline – No one can truly understand what I go through. There are many new treatments for spinal cord injury and the developments are exciting. For everyone else’s sake, I hope it continues like this, so my expected future isn’t the same for everyone. Soon a broken back can be treated like a broken arm. I personally believe, rightly or wrongly, that a cure cannot be found for a spinal cord injury. My utmost respect to anyone who has not only built a life after injury, but has thrived. I take my hat off to you, you are truly an inspiration, but that’s not me. It’s not an existence I want. I have felt so much love from so many people over the past few years, I just wish love could fix my condition or even make it bearable, but it can’t“.
