Jacob Elordi manages to make even a terrible film like Priscilla worse

Jacob Elordi manages to make even a terrible film like Priscilla worse
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«Jacob Elordi!», a little girl is heard exclaiming in the half-empty cinema when she sees his name appear on the screen at the beginning of the film. Someone must have dragged her to see Priscilla against his will, since he doesn’t even seem to know who’s in the cast. But the presence of Jacob Elordi, apparently, exalts and reassures her. She will regret it, poor thing (or maybe not, given that for her Elvis Presley is just a random name in the very unlucky and very cringing pantheon of boomers), because there couldn’t have been a more wrong actor than him for this role: tall, thin, lanky, pointed, Elordi is the exact opposite of Elvis, with his soft features that tended towards chubby (at this point Austin Butler is much better, he is a quick-change artist, spectacular even in Dune: Part 2). But it’s not just a question of physical appearance: it seems that Elordi does nothing more than appear on set and recite his lines in the most mediocre way possible.

Every time he appears on the screen, you want to exclaim «Jacob Elordi!»: you can never forget that it’s him, Elvis’ clothes seem to fit him small and tight, his torment sounds false like in an end-of-year play, just as falling in love with the young Priscilla (the beautiful and always lost Cailee Spaeny) and the passion for music (non-existent in general, in the film: and to say that Sofia Coppola was a genius of soundtracks). On TikTok, Gen Z tried to save the situation, editing scenes from Priscilla’s “Get ready with me” – false eyelashes, perfect nails, adorable little feet walking on the furry carpet – to the tune of Iggy Azalea’s splendid “Work”, showing that he has introjected Sofia Coppola’s teachings more than Sofia Coppola herself. But there are also those who, in their blissful naivety, compare Priscilla Presley’s style with that of Lana Del Rey (saying that Priscilla resembles Lana, and not the other way around), thus discovering, thanks to the patient explanations of millennial fans , one of the singer-songwriter’s greatest aesthetic inspirations. If it weren’t a flawed, flawed film, undoubtedly Sofia Coppola’s worst (indeed, to be honest, her only bad film) we could put all the blame on its protagonist.

Jacob Elordi is the supremely handsome, the one who also likes those who, like me, usually like the ugly, the short and the strange (with some exceptions: I write it so all my exes can think «ah well, of course, I was the exception.” He is the classic American Chad, with a square jaw and perfect physique, the quarterback who walks the corridors hand in hand with the most beautiful cheerleader, making everyone shudder, and in fact this is precisely the role he played in Euphoria, perhaps the only truly successful and credible one of his career. And so far, nothing too intriguing: but there is something very sweet in Elordi’s face, he has a puppy-like look and a tender smile, but at the same time his features always make him appear a little nervous, a little tense, almost uncomfortable (as if he were too tall, too big, too handsome) and that’s how he affected the whole world, including me.

Like when he appears on Jimmy Fallon wearing a very soft gray polo sweater and in addition to pretending to suck and lick the candle that is supposed to smell like his bathtub water (if you don’t understand what I’m talking about you haven’t even heard of Of Saltburnand then I say lucky you, I envy your lives), says that his first celebrity crush is Brad Pitt and that Leonardo DiCaprio went to him in a club and told him that he is a huge fan of Euphoria. Clearly a way to show us the way and tell us: I am the new them. Oh no, dear Jacob: you’re not that good. But we’ll give you another chance. In Guillermo del Toro’s new film, Elordi will be the creature of Frankenstein (played by Oscar Isaac) and alongside him there will also be Mia Goth (already celebrated here). Who knows if even in the role of the monster Jacob Elordi will make us scream «Jacob Elordi» every time he appears on the screen.

 
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