Everything was ready for Riccardo’s graduation party. The new dress, the favors, the restaurant, the red bows in the garden. And the gift.
What did you give him?
The money, for a trip to Japan that he will never do.
He had taken after his father: she a volunteer of the Green Cross…
Yes, and I’ve been involved in car accidents, but so far I’ve always been on the other side of the fence. I never thought I’d experience such a tragedy on my skin. However, I have an IT company and at the beginning I hoped that one day I would leave it to Riccardo and his brother, but both have chosen other paths and both my wife and I have indulged them: you can’t keep your children under a bell of glass, must be left free to build their own future.
What happened the other night?
We still don’t know exactly. Around 10pm he told us that he would go with friends to a club in Montegrotto to distract himself, because he was a bit tense for the next day’s graduation. In reality we discovered that the bar had already closed for a long time by that time. It was a little lie.
It wasn’t the first.
Riccardo entered into a crisis with the lockdown, which coincided with the decision to change his circle of friends. He was missing one exam: Nursering Philosophy. was rejected a first time, then a second time… It was like blocked. Then in the spring he told us that he had managed to overcome it and that he could finally concentrate on his thesis.
What topic had he chosen?
An analysis of patients’ perception of the health service before and after Covid. She never wanted me to read it, she told me it had to be a surprise. At this point I don’t even know if that thesis really exists. I’m not a psychologist but I think it all started like this: a white lie to manage a moment of weakness, followed by another, and then another… Until going back he meant denying himself.
Had he never told anyone about it?
Not us, not even your brother. And as far as we know, even his friends were convinced he was one step away from graduating. Let me be clear: I’m not angry with my son, I don’t blame him for not having been able to manage his weaknesses. The responsibility, if anything, I feel it on me. I reproach myself for not having been able to read the signs, for not having taught him to be stronger, at least to have that strength needed to ask for help. I feel ashamed as a parent, and I keep telling myself that I wish I was a little dumber so I didn’t find myself reflecting on my mistakes, thinking about the fact that maybe I could have had more of an impact on his choices. Because Riccardo felt trapped and I, in these 26 years, have not been able to convey to him the awareness that, in reality, he was not alone, that mum and dad could understand him and support him in facing the difficulties that life would throw at him. including bankruptcies.
Her son was a fragile adult, she said it too: she couldn’t keep him under a glass bell.
true, but I want to think that his death can still teach other parents something: with everyone’s commitment we can protect even those who are fragile, avoiding burdening our children, even unknowingly, with our expectations and ambitions. Because sometimes, the fear of disappointing us can become an unbearable burden.
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