When we reach her on the phone, Luna Pagnin exudes the joy that characterizes her. The sweet voice that puts her in a good mood almost makes even her phone vibrate with joy. She is leaving for London, “a city that always has something to tell me”, and when she talks about herself she always manages to find the perfect balance between the panache and the clarity of someone who knows they have important things to say. The occasion of the phone call is twofold: to announce the release of his first book on June 18th Bingelove published by Rizzoli (already available for pre-order) and reflect on International Eating Disorders Day which is celebrated on 2 June. Because even if Luna is now pure light, he has not forgotten the darkness that he went through due to binge eating. He talks about it on his Instagram channel (@spaziolunare_) which now has over 70 thousand followers. But ultimately, putting everything in black and white has much more effect even in the digital age.
You wrote a book to tell your story and raise awareness about DCA: what was the most painful part to go through?
“The part that touched me the most was my not-so-suicide attempt. To this day I would tell you that I don’t know if I would have had the courage to actually do it. At that time I suffered from depression and it was painful to think back to how much harm I had done to myself and to understand how much I had not been able to understand my value.”
And the most beautiful?
“Without a doubt the last chapter. Since I couldn’t find inspiration, I went to the library and started crying because I didn’t want to finish what I consider my “baby”. I am so happy to make those who read me feel what it means to allow yourself to truly live and go beyond fear.”
When did you realize you were truly healed?
«When I started to accept my times, when I stopped feeling constantly late. Giving yourself time and accepting yourself really makes a difference. I graduate in July in nutritional sciences and even if I didn’t respect my timetable I don’t care, it will still be a beautiful goal that I’ve been dreaming about for a long time.”
It took him some time before sending the first chapter. Did she not feel ready?
“No, not at all. I was afraid it wouldn’t go well. Of not being effective. However, when I made up my mind, the feedback from my editor was immediately positive, they immediately liked my style. They understood that I was authentic from the first moment. So I never stopped. The place where I wrote with the most inspiration was the desk next to a friend of mine who was studying for her pharmacology exam.”
It is said that traumatic periods are forgotten, they remain less clearly imprinted in the memory. Was it difficult for you to remember some moments?
“Not now. But between 2018 and 2019 it was as if I had set aside a part of my life. In 2020, when I was left alone with myself during Covid, I told myself that if I welcomed this dark side of mine, I could extract something good from it. I saw the photos and the diary I kept which moved me very much. And little by little I started to remember again, and even by telling things to people close to me I was able to clarify my memory. It’s a bit as if I had tidied up.”
In the book she talks about Sara, the evil voice that kept her attached to the DCA. What would you like to tell her now?
«I would like to tell her that she wasn’t right about anything, that the people who were close to me have always loved me and I’m sorry that for a while she managed to make me believe the opposite. Now I am once again in control of my life and my interests.”
What do you hope people take away from your experience?
“That it’s never too late to give yourself an opportunity. That it’s not true that you can’t change things to feel better. There will be ups and downs, but the satisfaction of looking back and seeing all the progress made is unparalleled.”
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