the true story of via Colonna Rotta

In technical terms, amaxophobia is the fear of driving, of being trapped in the vehicle, in traffic, of having to make decisions while driving. The symptoms are: shortness of breath, tachycardia, sweating, tremor, nausea, dizziness, gastrointestinal disorders. Well, this is roughly what we all feel when we find ourselves at the crossroads via Alberto Amedeo, Via Colonna Rotta.

To complicate everything, one of the mysteries that surrounds it l’ancien Palermo, or the question of via Colonna Rotta and the origin of its name. The anecdote of the column is famous, of course, but the outline a little less so.

To shed light on it, let’s take a quick leap into the past. “Lower the sails!” “What did he say?” «Mull the pears…» «The pears?» «And what do I know…» In the spring of 1610, the new viceroy Pedro Téllez Girar, Duke of Osuna, arrived in Palermo by sea.

Of course, the “viceroy” argument was a bit of a scam, not too different from that of the Palermo coach, who sacks one because he equalizes and you get another who scores goals in his goal.

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Pedro was a good-looking thirty-one year old from a good family, which is why, the Duke of Newfoundland cu cerca trova and the Count of Buscemi walk after me to get settled (the praetor at the time) thought they could have a bite.

Eh, but never judge a book by its cover. The Duke of Osuna boasted a very respectable curriculum: various raids, naval battles, a life of slaughter with his father and various arrests for duels, brawls and fraud. Their lords had treated themselves poorly.

In fact, four days after taking office, he arrested all the vagabonds and scoundrels of Palermo, evicted 40 people from the city and banned the carrying of weapons (penalty: five years rowing in the galleys). After all, he had to do it himself. Since Sicily was a Spanish colony, in fact, it couldn’t even count on King Philip III because he was a black belt in weeding.

He had spent a lifetime being bossed around by his wife Margaret of Austriathen he had become a widower, had appointed the Duke of Lerma as his favourite, and had continued to be bossed around by him.

And so, while the foundations for the Thirty Years’ War were being laid in Europe, while Galileo Galilei discovered the planet Neptune, and people stopped speaking freely because the first edition of the Accademia della Crusca, in Palermo, was published, poverty and famine, that people ate the calluses of their hands with salt and lemon.

At the same time, underground in the clerical society, a feud was breaking out between two of the most powerful orders of the time.

In the left corner, with 90 books of weight and thousands of conversions won by technical knockout, the Jesuits. In the right corner, with 87 weight indulgences, holders of the heavyweight belt of the Council of Trent, the Theatines. From the stands, the fans chanted: “You are my life, I have nothing else. You are my way, my truth.”

The reason for the clash was neither doctrinal nor sanctifying for a Kaiser. The problem was always the same, from the time that the first Neanderthal man illegally occupied the first cave: the blessed properties.

The truth is that the Jesuits had arrived first, around the middle of the 16th century, wanted by the viceroy Juan De la Vegawith the task of bringing Sicilians closer to the creed.

More than the creed, really, they had to be brought closer to the crown, given that the people had broken the kaiz of not eating, and had been rioting for about fifty years.

Luckily, a good plague arrived to calm things down and he saw it take to the field nothing less than the famous Gianfilippo Ingrassia (the one from the hospital), who proposed the first lockdown in history by leveraging social distancing.

It was precisely in these years that the Jesuits, after having taken over half the city, affirmed their power by completing the construction of Casa Professa. So it was: the plague caused brick fever among the monastic orders.

The epidemic went away and the Theatines arrived with the motto of “’Mo ce ripigliamm’ tutto chell che è ‘o nuost’”. Initially they found accommodation in the church of Santa Maria della Catenawhere in 1602 they made their home.

Of course, the place is beautiful: sea view and a stone’s throw from the tram station. However it was too small. The Theatines then began to buy and buy (because the small Parrini never lacked any), until they managed to get their hands on the church of San Giuseppe dei Falegnami, with the promise of building a chapel in the new church that would be built next to.

The first stone will be laid in 1612, and attending the ceremony will be the viceroy Pedro Téllez Girar, Duke of Osuna and the archbishop Giannettino Doria (the same who in 1625 will carry the funeral of Saint Rosalia, to free the city from another plague). The project included 34 mammoth columns.

Where to get 34 columns, some of which should have reached 11 meters? Simple, at the Mount Billiemi quarry, a few steps from the city, whose marble was known for its qualities.

Every time one of the said columns crossed the city, descending the Cassaro, it was all amazement: the shots of “minkia!” of the people reached the sea. The Jesuits, on the other hand, were annoyed, since ultimately it was all a competition to see who had the biggest… the column.

Well, it must have been a stroke of bad luck, it must have been the curses of the Jesuits, the fact is that one day one of these fell and killed a dog. No, luckily there was no animal underneath.

“Muriu u cane” is our own way of saying, in the sense that it broke definitively. So it was, the column rumbled on and the story ended. Days, months, seasons passed, the sun beat down on him, it rained on him.

The years went away, the kings, others arrived. What never changed was the name of that street, which, from that fateful day, still today, is called: Via Colonna Rotta. In taking my leave I ask the readers for forgiveness for the verbosity.

I could have gotten straight to the point, but that would have left a piece of marble just a stupid piece of marble.