«I wanted desperately wake me up from that damned chair.” Manuel Bortuzzo says it clearly, describing himself freely in new book “Alone in the storm” (Rizzoli, 180 pages, 17 euros). After tragedy, that “falling into the nightmare” in which he managed to cling only to his identity as an athlete. And the despairing awareness, one day after another, that nothing would ever be the same again. A sincere story in which Bortuzzo, Treviso who now lives in Rome, lays himself bare without hiding fragility, “falls”, getting lost and then finding himself, music, love, friends who “saved” him. Swimming champion, he trained at the Federal Center in Ostia, until that tragic February 2, 2019 (he was 19 years old), when they shot due to mistaken identity, he survived, but has since been confined to a wheelchair.
In 2022 he returned to the pool with the national paralympic team. And after two years of hard training, he will be in Paris 2024 for the Paralympics.
Meanwhile, his story has become a first book, “Born again” (Rizzoli), from which the homonym was taken TV series on RaiUno. In 2021 she participated in the Big Brother VIP, the first person in a wheelchair on the reality show, a way to bring the daily life of a boy with a disability into homes. In the book he also briefly addresses the theme of the love story with Lulù Selassie, whom he met in the Big Brother House and was followed with great social pressure by crowds of fans, inflamed by the romantic fairy tale created by the reality show. «The girl I met in Big Brother’s prison – writes Bortuzzo – for a moment she embodied my greatest desires. I had perceived her sensitivity and sweetness, as well as her external beauty. When I have a relationship I give everything, as if she were forever, the woman of my life… It was a nagging story, inside the house and even more outside. A potentially toxic relationship that could have harmed both of them. It was important for me, but I would never go back.”
Manuel Bortuzzo, why did you feel the need to tell your story through a book?
«I have a large following on social media, but I interact little, I tend to keep everything inside. I have many thoughts, many reflections and writing is the best way to express myself in a profound way, something that remains. I tell who I am, my feelings, I want to be understood, to go beyond the judgment that some people have made just by seeing me on TV.”
How has it changed today, five years after the shooting tragedy?
«I think I have achieved maturity and balance, but it wasn’t easy. As soon as I found myself in a wheelchair I immediately wanted to go back to being an athlete, to swimming. But when I returned to the pool it was a shock, my legs were a burden, I couldn’t do it, I ended up spending the days in the hydromassage… Over time I understood that there was a completely different path, new, to do, a huge job, I had to deal with reality. The idea of starting from scratch, but to get to another level, no longer at my previous level, made me feel bad. I went through great suffering, which remained imprinted in my body. My pain is engraved on my body. In the book I talked about the change, but it hasn’t happened completely yet, I’m in the phase where the eagle is high up, still in the sky and is looking from up there…”.
He writes that the issue of acceptance was dramatic.
«Yes, no matter how mature you may be, you are never ready to find yourself disabled from one day to the next. It is not comparable to anything, it is worse than mourning, because mourning does not affect one’s body, it is like mourning oneself. I miss myself, I have to mourn myself, say goodbye to a part of me that has died. And I always have to deal with this, every moment of the day, from the morning when I get up to the evening when I go to sleep. It’s not easy to say goodbye to a part of yourself in the flower of youth. Whoever understands this will always be able to stay by my side. Today I am more serene and realistic. I know that I can be happy, but also completely desperate, I accept myself in every facet, for who I am.”
Did he also accept the wheelchair?
«Yes, I also accept the chair, because I have done many more things with the chair than I had done before. Of course I feel different, but it’s normal, in every context everyone is standing and I’m the only one sitting in the wheelchair, but I’m also the first to make irony and jokes about myself.”
He dedicated himself with discipline and rigor to studying the piano, he says that he aspires to be like Arturo Benedetti Michelangeli. Was the music also therapeutic?
«Yes, music has been therapeutic, it has always given me relief. During periods when I was very ill, even just the gesture of getting out of bed to sit at the piano helped me. I do everything with music, it energizes me before training. Benedetti Michelangeli, absolute genius, is my favorite pianist, an incredible person, he had the demon of perfection, he is just to be admired.”
What music do you listen to before training?
«From American trap to 90s punk rock. But also Tiziano Ferro’s records. In this I’m a bit like Michael Phelps, who listened to his special playlist of rap songs before swimming competitions…”.
In the book she talks about friends who saved her life. Who would you put first?
«Alex, who was first my tattoo artist and then became a friend and brother. Having him next to me is fundamental, he has always treated me like a normal person, he made me feel accepted from the first meeting. We went on wonderful trips together, we often forgot my wheelchair because he just doesn’t see it, it’s as if he doesn’t realize it’s there… Then we talk about everything, I’ve never managed to have such a strong complicity with anyone, not even with a girlfriend. I’ve been looking for a relationship similar to this with a girlfriend, but so far I’ve never found it.”
Do you expect a lot in love?
«I don’t care about superficial things and I don’t want them. This is why I have few friends, few bonds, but very deep ones, they have become a beautiful family for me. I look for simplicity in friendship as in love and I look for depth.”
Another person he speaks of with great affection is Aldo Montano.
«I have a beautiful bond with him, we are always there for each other. We met on Big Brother, an absolute empathy immediately arose, which continued over time.”
He liquidates the months in the Big Brother House in a few lines. Wasn’t it a great experience?
«I deliberately didn’t give space to Big Brother, everything that needed to be said was already told by the cameras, we saw everything. And then I don’t want to be remembered as the guy from Big Brother, I would like to be considered the athlete who achieves his goals.”
Will he be in Paris 2024 for the Paralympics?
«I’m training as hard as I can, I really want to be able to express myself, I’m looking forward to this opportunity. Even though I’m realistic, I know I won’t be able to win, but I will give the best version of myself. The other athletes have been competing since 2006, I can’t be a phenomenon, the truth is that I’m not at their level, but I don’t get discouraged. Today I no longer have the anxiety of immediately being the best, the race is a journey and the journey is much more important than the medal.”
His favorite film is «Joker», he writes that he recognizes himself in the character.
«We’ve all been a bit of the Joker: he seems despicable but in reality the only thing he needed was love and affection. A hug can change your life. It is a condition that I have also experienced, I am a person who has a great need for affection, even to give it. I often felt alone, misunderstood and needed to be listened to, like Joker.”
He is in love?
«I’m not in love at the moment. But I don’t want to have the anxiety of looking for love. Maybe in half an hour I’ll go out and meet the woman of my life… I’m calm, she’ll come at the right time”
Biggest wish?
«Always having the opportunity to do what I love and like. And share it with the people I love.”
In the book you talk about recurrent high fever when you are too tired, leg spasms, pain, infections. How are you today?
«I have suffered from many consequences of my condition when my body was not trained. Now I feel better with sport. Training is saving.”
What would you like to tell those who read «Soli nella storm»?
“In life there can be many pitfalls, suffering, problems, you can feel very alone, but you must never give up, the opportunities are there, they always come.”
