«Pedagogy of finitude»: how to explain to children and adults the importance of knowing how to deal with a loss

«It is a journey, this path, which is primarily useful to us adults». She is convinced of it Maria Beverina, primary school teacher, actively involved in the project. «What we appreciated about the project and one of the reasons why we agreed, beyond the validity of the training proposal, is that there was no ready package: we are outlining the road, walking it together: us, the parents, the children, the educators. There is a co-responsibility to educate and grow each other, not a delegation. And how much we have to learn from the little ones, how much!».

Let’s start from the beginning, from the elaboration of the end: what are the things that you educators learn every day, taking care of people in hospice, and that you bring to this project?
Marta Scrignaro (MS): «There we feel finitude with our hands, every single moment. When there is a trajectory of incurabilitywe enter the scope of what is defined “life limiting and life threatening”, that is, as the moment of death approaches, the child, and his parents together, they experience numerous deaths: for example, that of loss of physical or mental functions in the patient, or in the parents, the mourning of dreams, of the imagination…».

What a dream? Can you explain better?
MS: «Becoming a parent and then being one awakens a process of imagination, not only while waiting for the baby, but also while raising him. Parenting is a process and is fueled by many small desires. When your child gets sick and the epilogue is inevitable and incontrovertible, inside you, the role of the parent dies, the dream dies, an entire imagined life. This is something everyone says, and there is nothing more true: the death of a child is an unnatural fact for a parent and tears away your identity, shatters the meaning of life. Here it is accompanying these people to accept the end of who they generated, and therefore of a part of themselves, is a mystery which we approach with immense respect and which changes us too.”

So it becomes even more important to talk about the end, especially with those who still have a whole life ahead of them to enjoy together…
MS: «Exactly, talking about the end or ends – therefore also about death – predisposes us to live more intensely. Until now, we only dealt with death when it became imminent, and if it happened suddenly, it was even more unsettling. We arrived before him, totally inadequate and unprepared. Today, walking alongside it, talking about it, helps to bring out all the fears, all the discomfort, the meaning of things, but above all It helps us understand that we are not alone. The goal is to create an educating community, where one becomes a network: of connection, of rescue, of protection. We are a network of hands and hearts, and speaking out about fear helps consolidate relationships, not only between family members, but between everyone.”