Diego Dalla Palma – make-up master, entrepreneur, writer – is not a reticent narrator. Indeed, he has a sometimes disarming sincerity. To record I live – the Show Reel Studios podcast dedicated to his life – he asked for the smallest studio, turned off the light and talked about himself with his eyes closed; but he didn’t do it to defeat modesty. «I needed nothing», he explains to Courier, «because nothingness makes you responsible. I left the studio empty, but serene, because I have no regrets.”
«I have faced all the storms»
In I live – available on all platforms – the “Italian prophet of make up”, as the New York Times defined him, talks about himself without filters. «I think I lived at least twenty lives» he says, and over the course of the five episodes of the podcast he tells them all. Uncensored. He talks about his modest origins, the determination with which he managed to make his way in Rai as a costume designer, the “realized dream” of creating the make-up line that made him famous throughout the world; but also of discrimination suffered in childhood due to his sexual orientation he was born in priest who abused him in college. And then gods parents, dearest: the meek and honest father, to whom he addresses directly in a touching passage (“I will not be able to love any man as I have loved you”); and her mother, severe teacher of courage (she proudly wore, almost alone in the village, her lipstick). “I have faced all the storms, from poverty to bullying, from debt to isolation”, he explains: this is why he feels like “a survivor of human baseness”. Today he learned from his mistakes («I am a university of failures») and found a new definition of «success». «In the past I had interpreted him badly and for this reason he had taken away my values, my dignity, even my candour. I don’t deny anything, but sometimes I have achieved fame even in a stupid way… Today I think that success is being able to carve out three months to travel, amaze myself and bring out the child in me.” The balance, however, is positive: «Life has been wonderful with me, even when it punished me. But it must be said: it is a difficult journey for a short holiday.”
The «Vivo» podcast from Show Reel Media
The podcast is a very pure stream of consciousness, capable of speaking to everyone. «As a profession we continually think about the target», he reflects Luca Leoni, CEO of Show Reel Media Group«but for this project we didn’t have a specific audience in mind: it can be an inspiration for anyone, from adults to the new generations, because Diego’s life is made up of successes but also failures which he always talks about as educational moments». «More than a simple autobiographical story», continues Leoni, «Vivo is an introspective journey that Diego wanted to take in freedom». With the voice at the centre, but framed by the music, which she played a double role: on the one hand, Dalla Palma listened to her on headphones during the recordings, to activate emotions with which to contaminate the story; on the other, Show Reel made it happen an ad hoc soundtrack for the podcast, custom composed by Matteo Grasso and Filarmonica Fluida. «She was inspired by Diego’s words», explains the CEO: «We wanted her to be at the service of the story, even if this required longer times».
The abuse suffered in college – and the strength to forgive it
After all, music, in a story like this, had to be there. Because Dalla Palma is certain that he often “saved” him, especially in “dark moments”. And there were quite a few. As a teenager, for example, he suffered abuse from a priest at the Cavanis college in Venice: in the podcast he talks about it without sugarcoating anything, not even the choice to forgive his tormentor. “Many people who have been abused don’t share it,” he acknowledges, “because they think you have to be intransigent and implacable. I, however, believe that mercy is a divine gift.” His vision of religion, he specifies, is “a bit pagan”. But still centered on forgiveness, which, he is certain, “can give meaning to life”. “I couldn’t say why, and perhaps mine is a banal thought, but I am convinced that the moon, the universe, the stars, the sea and the mountains want us to be merciful.”
The coma
If you ask him from who or what he learned to forgive so firmly, he replies without hesitation: “From the coma”. The one in which he fell at just six years old because of one lymphocytic meningitis. It could have been the end of him, but instead it was the beginning of everything, because when he woke up he was a different child: fascinated by art, unusually perceptive (“I have intuitions that sometimes worry even me”), but also pervaded by a sort of meloncholy. «The coma», he explains, «transports you into a dimension that has something wonderful about it. After I woke up, I was sulky and often hid in the woods: my trip had been so beautiful that I almost wanted to go back. Something that made my mother very angry.” The nostalgia for the dark days, however, never prevailed. And the legacy of the coma makes him say: “I have forgiven everything and forgiven everyone, I hope that others do the same with me.” «I’m impulsive», he acknowledges, «cI ask for forgiveness from all those with whom I have been violent. But also to life itself, as absurd as it may seem, because sometimes I mistook it for an amusement park”. The first person he would like to apologize to, however, is his father. «I loved him enormously and respected him greatly, but I never wanted to listen to his stories about the war: he seemed boring and long-winded to me. And instead his story was a story for a book.”
Difficult beginnings, poverty, prostitution: “I did it out of hunger”
The connection with parents in the podcast is always in the foreground. He recounts in minute detail the – decisive – moment in which his mother encouraged him to try his luck in Milan, giving him 25 thousand lire. Once in the city, he immediately began desperately searching for a job in the entertainment world, but to no avail: they were difficult months, of poverty and doors closed in his face; months in which, once his money ran out, he also went to the point of prostituting himself. «I did it to eat», he explains, «I had cramps from hunger. I didn’t know where to go anymore. Unfortunately I was already accustomed to giving my body in silence, because of that priest who had taken advantage of me». Among the people he gave himself to out of desperation there was also “an important woman from Rai” who had a weakness for him. “Stupidly, in that imbecile time – because youth is an imbecile time even if it is beautiful – I thought that she would help me make a career.”
«I wouldn’t have returned home a failure»
Today Dalla Palma talks about those episodes – few but certainly not insignificant – with regret, but without embarrassment. Because, as he explains in the podcast, “there are other experiences that have dishonored me.” «By selling my fragility I did myself a disservice», he says, «but this brought me awareness». In those difficult months he kept every difficulty to himself: he wrote to his parents in a letter that everything was fineboasting stellar job opportunities and promising encounters with stars of all kinds. «I did it out of love, out of pity, out of recklessness», explains. «Now that I know how it ended I also think that I did it because I foresaw what would happen later. But then mine was a desperate lie, towards myself even before towards them.” «I had been so bullied and mocked», he adds, «that I would not have returned home a failure: rather, I would have gotten out of the way…”.
«Alive, despite», but always looking for storms
Dalla Palma alludes to the temptation – felt but never indulged – to commit suicide. Even though the podcast is titled I liveafter all, the theme of death – others or one’s own – is recurring. «The title was proposed by Show Reel», she explains. «It can be read in various ways: with an exclamation point it becomes “I’m fucking alive!”, but with a question mark it can transform into a doubt, “am I really alive?”…». The closest nuance to his case? «Perhaps “I live despite”, in fact the subtitle of the podcast is “confessions in the storm”. And if he asks me if I continue to look for storms or if I have learned to avoid them, I answer: I still look for them, of course.”.
