Rossoneri keyboard players (and scribes…) on the verge of a nervous breakdown

Rossoneri keyboard players (and scribes…) on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Rossoneri keyboard players (and scribes…) on the verge of a nervous breakdown

November 26th is coming, the day of Juve-Inter, a match intended to cultivate the hope of “killing the championship” (cit.). Wanting, however, to immediately gain recognition as certain hitmen at least for the long period of eve, what better tool could therefore be the sharing of a series of stigmatizations? Also because the automotive metaphor of the Ferrari and the Fiat 500 and other similar nonsense, placed on the 2 rivals in the Italian derby, would have made the air extremely heavy. Here then – even looking at other people’s homes – one could just abandon oneself to those “notes of blame” that arise spontaneously when reading certain bewildered predictions and other bold arguments formulated by the best Rossoneri keyboardists and scribes in the world. For obvious reasons of space – but not least of decency – we limit ourselves here to a retrospective starting “only” from the first days of this month, faithfully following the exhibition scheme of the pearls of the week that Marco Travaglio collects in his column “Ma mi fa the pleasure” on “il Fatto Quotidiano” on Monday. The beginning could only be with a bang:

NEOLOGISM? “Giroud MerVoso” (Luca Serafini, Milan news, 3.11). Nostradamus Award 2023 for the subsequent events in Lecce, but recognition still sub judice: also because it is not clear whether the Freudian slip on the adjective associated with the French player (nervous or ***doso?) concerns the first consonant (the “m” instead of the “n”) or the third (the “v” instead of the “d”).

RANKING TO BE REWRITTEN. “It seems like the sweet ending for him and for Inter, but right in the most difficult moment Atalanta DRAW (eh, ed.) with another pastry from their best striker” (Alberto Cerruti on the Bergamo goal,, 4.11) . And then they said that Scamacca was a rubbish when, in fact, every goal he scored would be worth double: at least according to Alberto Giuseppe Cerruti’s prose.

REVOKED AWARD/1. “The calendar becomes more affordable while for others it will be harder in the coming weeks: take advantage of the situation to get out of this dead end (…)” (Luca Serafini, Milan news, 3.11). Famous (pen)last words.

REVOKED AWARD/2. “In March Simone Inzaghi was tied to the vessel’s trampoline, ready to become crocodile food and at the first Nerazzurri difficulties he will return to the center of the sights” (Luca Serafini, Milan news, 10.11). To err is human, to persevere is diabolical as they say. But to ignore even the fact that Simone Inzaghi managed to get away with it – like Clint Eastwood in the unintentionally mentioned film (“In the Center of the Crosshairs”…) – is truly “seraphic”.

REVOKED AWARD/3. “The bar talk (…), according to which the 2022 scudetto would have been given to Inter and the 2023 Champions League qualification to Juve, do not belong to me: when one wins, there is always another who loses. Who gives. But the first one takes advantage of it and indeed wins… And the other one loses, especially if he is discovered cheating the cards” (Luca Serafini, ibidem). I agree about the sordid black and white plots, but the “only” reason why the Nerazzurri did not win the tricolor in 2022 is due to adverse fate or, better yet, to a cynical and cheating fate: like that of 5 May 2002. .. The writer, unlike Serafini, did not in fact miss the point that the final figure “2” (like 2002 or 2022) is the only one – in the numerical scale from 0 to 9 of the Nerazzurri’s championship years – in which the Inter has not yet managed to win the tricolour.

WASTE OF WORDS. “Milan are caught up in a comeback, 2 points thrown away” (Gianluigi Torre on Lecce-Milan, Milan news, 11.11). When a team gains an initial advantage, it always suffers a comeback: it doesn’t matter if it’s by 1 or 2 goals. So, better: “Milan reassembled” and “bonanotte ar bucket”.

WITHERED GARDEN. “Now, woe betide us if we lose in Lecce the climate of serenity found thanks to the night at San Siro (…). In Lecce, with the spirit of Tuesday (Milan-PSG, ed.), the tactical mechanisms and their interpretation, we need to water the beautiful sprout” (Mauro Suma, Milan news, 11.11). Not everyone at Milanello – perhaps not even Ibra – will be able to have a green thumb: at most, a bandaged one and not just that!

ELEMENTARY WATSON! “For what is emerging and whose announcement is not imminent, there is not the slightest possibility that Ibra will take away delegations and/or powers from anyone in Milan (…). An addition, an addition, in this case all the opposite of a subtraction” (Mauro Suma, ibidem). However, it seems that Swedish, when necessary, is also capable of “per” and “diviso”.

ROBERTO SCARPINI AT “WHO SAW IT?” “(…) These are lessons, guys, to learn and to wrap up. The propaganda from above, with the usual politician and the usual TV showman, who fuel headlines after headlines, to which is added in the second and third place the transversal propaganda. That of social workers, of TARGETED PRESENCES ON TV and high-class highlights on the web. That’s where the trend starts” (Mauro Suma, ibidem). Yes, but now shut up, Mauro, please! Apart from everything else, the question remains with what face and from what pulpit the director of Milan TV allows himself to lecture others precisely in light of HIS ASSIDUAL PRESENTIALISM in certain television studios. Where the Nerazzurri counterpart mentioned in the title always plays the part of the bird in the woods or, alternatively, the failed guest…

THE TIME OF APPLES (“ROTTEN”). “The time for deep REFLECTIONS is almost over. (…) The last break for the national teams will be the period of time in which the Rossoneri management will have to (…) accelerate that ANALYSIS PROCESS of the physical problems that are afflicting the team systematically for four years” (Pietro Mazzara, Milan news, 13.11). One of two things: either “reflections” and “analysis process” are not synonymous or the editorialist does not know what he is writing about, rectifying himself.

MISTER WOLF WANTED. “Because the problem of injuries can no longer be postponed (…)” (Pietro Mazzara, ibidem). Right! Better to accumulate more before intervening. Why, nothing nothing, was it intended to allude to the non-deferrability of the SOLUTION to the problem?

IBRA, WHERE YOU PUT IT IS IT. “Ibra with Gerry, but NOT AT MILANELLO” (Franco Ordine, Milan news, 9.11). “Ibrahimovic loves Milan deeply. (…) The owners (…) had proposed a corporate structure, without a SPECIFIC FIELD FIGURE. It was an underestimation, soon intelligently (slurp, ed.) understood by the very top manager, Gerry Cardinale” (Carlo Pellegatti, Milan news, 15.11). Do you find the differences in the location of the Swedish “encumbrance”?

A MAN CALLED HORSE. “Yesterday my trainer Alessandro Botti, because I also have a trainer, called me. “Carlo, we need to name the colt! ” I replied: “I already told you and I’ll tell you again, without hesitation. The colt’s name is: “Pioli is on fire”. Is that clear?” (Carlo Pellegatti, Milan news, 15.11). An experienced cinephile like Pellegatti – although here it is perhaps better to define him as an experienced cinephile – can be forgiven for the fact that a bad pass, the one for the racehorses (second only to the one for the Rossoneri?), made him confuse the title of the film he watched. at the cinema in the “midnight show” mentioned at the beginning of his editorial: “A man called Horse”, unlike “Dunkirk”!

GIVE US INNOCENT MAZZINI! “(…) We need to make a reflection for the American ownership which is – like that of Roma – allergic to cultivating diplomatic relations with the different souls of the football federation. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY, dear friends of Milan. As the other managers do most influential” (Franco Ordine, Milan news, 16.11). These dispassionate invitations to get their hands dirty clash strongly when invoked for the current Rossoneri managers, precisely because they are heirs in discontinuity of those who in the long years of Calciopoli never bothered – in part – not to get them dirty.

KRUNIC AS GAGLIARDINI. “Krunic is a player who can fit in Milan, but we shouldn’t ask him to be the lighthouse: this is Pioli’s original sin” (Andrea Longoni, Milan news, 19.11). Well, come on, stepcousins: try to console yourselves! Even Conte, at Inter, doted on Gagliardini.

Orlando Pan

NEXT a little star from Fujiyama of Pietrasanta. Klea on the roof of Italy. Silver at just 13 years old